The Understated Trait of Successful Chicago Sports Coaches

I know this isn't aligned with what I typically talk about, but as a Chicago sports fan, during the search for the Cubs managerial opening, I have to draw the line on the candidates they're interviewing.

In today's Chicago Tribune, the four finalists for the open Cubs position appear to be Mike Quade, Ryne Sandberg, Eric Wedge and potentially Joe Girardi.  There's something fundamental and understated that each of these candidates is missing, based on Chicago sports history (or at least the last 35 years). 

When looking back at Chicago championship teams over that period, it's the mustache that has presided.  Yes, the mustache!



Mike Ditka: Classic & bold...looked like a caterpillar who overdosed on "five hour energy" drinks when Ditka would beat a piece of gum like it owed him money



Phil Jackson: The tall, gangly zen-master realized the importance of his mustache as he started his reign. Does that guy know everything?

Ozzie Guillen: As a player, possessed a classic pencil mustache. Has since rounded it out into a well manicured goatee.

Joel Quenneville: Burly, hockey mustache...obviously did his homework on Chicago championship history.

The Bulls have hired a practically hairless guy in Thibodeau. The Bears Lovie Smith couldn't grow a mustache with a tank full of hair tonic.  The Bulls & Bears have written their own ticket...no championships as long as their current coaching staff is in place...

The Cubs must look away from Quade, who was bald at the age of 11 (yes, I'm not making that up!).  None of the candidates possess a mustache...however, there is a perfectly capable guy in the booth who should be heavily pursuaded to change his mind.  Where's this picture from???

Oh, yeah...it's Bob Brenly from the year he won the World Series with the Arizona Diamonbacks.  Looks like a mustache got them over the hump, too. 

Cubs fans...reject the hairless...if we're going to end the curse, the mustache is obviously the key ingredient.